A psalm, on waiting

[23 November 2020]

I will wait for your voice. I will
wait, oh my soul, I will wait. Not
well, mind you. I guess
there’s something about you that
makes me feel fine about going
long stretches of time without
so much as a how-do-you-do, a
sort of casual forgetfulness that
belies the idea that I don’t really

Not because I don’t want to care, per
se. I do want to care. Or at least I think
I do. Or at least that’s what I tell
myself when I’m strapped in and tangled
up and kicked back and staring at the
computer screen at 3AM trying to
make myself remember that I was trying
not to forget.

But this sort of blasé, studied
apathy can only take you so far. Sometimes
you have to stand up an confront yourself
with what you’ve been avoiding – what you
really want, what you really need, what
you really ar going to do next – or else
maybe it’ll confront you. Either way,
it’s only a matter of time before this
or that happens and poof that’s that.
The jig’s up and all the hands have been
played and you’re sitting there like a
teenager at a bar caught with a fake ID
and no-one’s coming around to back
up your story. Done.

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